Ed. note: We at Crowley Webb celebrate and defend the right of every American to express their opinions. That said, as an organization engaged in commerce with individuals of every political affiliation, we try to avoid expressing opinions that may offend or alienate said individuals. In its original form, the following blog entry by Senior Art Director Pete Reiling may well have caused such offense. While we are presenting this piece out of respect for Mr. Reiling's first amendment rights, we have omitted any details that might possibly upset any of our readers.
I never thought I'd live to see the day where I would have the choice of voting for a(n) [IDENTIFYING PERSONAL CHARACTERISTIC] candidate or a(n) [IDENTIFYING PERSONAL CHARACTERISTIC] candidate. Obviously, I also have the opportunity to vote for a(n) [IDENTIFYING PERSONAL CHARACTERISTIC] candidate, but only someone with their [HUMAN BODY PART] up their [HUMAN BODY PART] would even consider such a thing.
Seriously though, anyone voting for any [ADJECTIVE DESCRIBING A MAJOR AMERICAN POLITICAL PARTY] candidate at this stage of the game must be an absolute [DISPARAGING TERM]. I mean, look at [PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE] - [GENDER SPECIFIC PRONOUN] is a complete [DISPARAGING TERM, OFTEN CONSIDERED TO BE VULGAR.] We'd be better off having a [NOUN DESCRIBING COMMON BARNYARD ANIMAL] running the country than that [NOUN DESCRIBING COMICALLY DRESSED CIRCUS PERFORMER].
Obviously, to anyone with a functioning [INTERNAL ORGAN] in their [BODY PART], [PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE] is the only reasonable choice. If [GENDER SPECIFIC PRONOUN] is not elected, I will have no choice but to move to [LARGE NORTH AMERICAN COUNTRY OTHER THAN THE UNITED STATES.]
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