by matt low
So the other day, my brother-in-law approached me with what seemed to be a pretty original idea for a restaurant. His brainchild was called “Thanksgiving,” and served, obviously, only Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey. Mashed potatoes. Cranberries. Corn. All the good stuff. Every day.
Interesting, huh?
Then we talked about taking it a few thousand steps further. For instance, just like a dinner at grandma’s, when you call to make reservations, you’re asked to bring something. It might be a tossed salad, it might be a set of folding chairs. It might be a game to play after dinner (oh, I’ll get to that).
To gain admittance, you’re required to dress properly as you would for the one true Thanksgiving. Goofy sweater, tie, bad skirt, whatever. And the place is at least 80 degrees, no matter the season. As you enter the restaurant, you must make small talk with the other patrons milling around (dinner won’t be ready for at least an hour) and the staff. Come on, it’s no worse than talking to your family, right?
While you’re waiting, feel free to lounge in one of the many recliners around the main dining area. There are also a plethora of 12-inch televisions scattered around the room playing various Dallas Cowboys or Detroit Lions games from holidays past. Feel free to drink as many cans of domestic beer or glasses of boxed wine as you like.
Finally, dinner is near ready and you’re asked to help bring the food to the table. Yes, we only have one table at Thanksgiving. Unless you count the kiddie table, which is usually populated by those who failed to make reservations. You take your seat and the host (or owner, who, I guess would be my brother-in-law, Kevin) gives a short speech about how all of you are so special blah, blah, blah, it’s the alcohol talking, dig in.
Following dinner, you are to return to your recliner where you’ll most likely slip into a most uncomfortable nap that will have you feeling worse than you did prior to stretching out. When you awake with sleep lines on your face and a knot in your back, you are required to play at least two rounds of some games – possibly the board type, or cards if you’re lucky. Then you get the bill.
Then you can leave.
Yes, you’re right, it’s a terrible idea for a restaurant. And, suddenly, a really terrible idea for a holiday.
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