by matt low
So every year around this time our pals at Lexus treat us to commercials featuring people who are obviously far better than us and having far better Christmases than us because they are receiving Lexi as Christmas presents when we are getting socks and the like. And I have to admit, I’ve always wondered who these people are. These people who are so awesome they received the Lexus of cars for Christmas. That is, until now. This year, Lexus has taken the wonder right out of this wonderful season by giving us a little window into a select group’s past.
First, we have video game kid. He got an Atari for Christmas, like many of us did. And yes, he played it and played it and played it like many of us did as well. Nothing out of the ordinary. Hmmmmm. By this logic, I should be getting a Lexus for Christmas, right? Maybe I’m not so different than – wait, does he look like he’s going to cry at the end there? Never mind.
Then we have big wheel kid. He got a big wheel for Christmas. He rode it all over the house. He loved that thing. I, myself, explicitly remember getting a Dukes of Hazzard big wheel for Christmas one year. And I spent hours in the basement that day wearing out its tires. Maybe I’m not so different than – wait, he has a goofy-looking goatee and a giant house. Never mind.
Which brings us to Ms. Pony. Every girl wants a pony. It’s part of being a girl, right? But it’s just one of those unattainable fantasies. Like the ability to fly or an endless keg of beer. It’s not something that actually comes to fruition. Except for her.
What’s amazing about this little girl is that what seems to be pleasing her most about her horse is her neighbor’s jealousy. Now that’s the spirit. And the woman she has become, feigning surprise and adoration for a gift clearly she knew she was getting all along because she asked for it over and over and over and even threatened divorce if her spouse didn’t come through – classic. I thankfully, have nothing in common with her.
I was going to wrap this whole mess up with something about how these awful people only remember gifts from their childhood Christmases and they only focused on material things and that’s why they grew up to be people who are treated to Lexi. But, you know, that’s what I remember too. I got the big wheel and the Atari, and the Nintendo, and the He-Man figures. I remember opening all those presents and playing with them the entire day through. That’s what defines Christmases for kids.
I guess I just don’t like seeing a person get a Lexus for Christmas. And I don’t really care who they are.
Oh, and I really don’t like that little girl.
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